Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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