With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
