you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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