theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
