its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
