i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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