"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
