Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
