you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize