lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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