so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
