I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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