By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
