dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
