i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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