P.S. I can't hear my feet
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
