my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
