i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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