to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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