A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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