I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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