I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
