We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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