Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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