Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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