If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
