i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
