Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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