This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
