i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
