what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
