Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
