Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
