Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
