the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
