Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
