If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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