I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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