I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And then he peed in my hair
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
