do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
