is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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