Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
