I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
