I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
