Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
