OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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