You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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