Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
