Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
