I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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