My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
