wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
