Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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