the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
