yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
