I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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