it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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