I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
