Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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