Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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