I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
