I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
