took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
