did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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