If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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