I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
