Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
