i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
