This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
