I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
