We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
