It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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