Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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